
I just found out my Simby has kidney failure. He's 14 years old and has lived a good, happy long life, so I suppose I shouldn't be sad, but.....it's been a very depressing last few days. I've been struggling with: should I let him go naturally, or fight and give him treatments- which may prolong his life, but for how long and at what cost?
He would be dragged to the vet regularly -in the car -which he hates, only to be in total fear, while being poked, prodded, man-handled and drugged. I just don't know. All I can think about is when my dad had cancer. It got to the point that they removed the tumor in his throat but for the next- and last year of his life he was in pain, totally drugged out, couldn't speak anymore without a voice box- which he hated, and it was just a miserable ending to his once strong and robust life. I almost think that if he didn't have the surgery he would have been happier in his last days and suffered less.
I mean- which is better: quality of life or quantity? We usually just want someone (animals included) to stay alive for our own selfish reasons. We are the ones who can't bear to live without them. We are the ones who will ultimately suffer- they will be happily on the other side being totally free and probably looking down at us laughing about our silly misery. I have no doubt that being on the other side is a wonderful thing, I just don't want him to suffer now, on my account, so I hope that I will do the right things for him. And I'm not talking about euthanasia- I didn't even like writing that word. I pray that I won't even have to consider that. I pray that he will find a way to slip over to the other side nice and peacefully. Everything is possible and I just have to trust that God/the Universe has it all worked out for every ones higher good.